Wednesday, September 12, 2007

HWJV - How Would Jesus Vote

If Jesus Were a Candidate

This was sent to me by a reader of mine and I must give “Red” the proper due here… so…

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This also appeared in the local paper here, The Signal, and the article can be found HERE.

If Jesus Was a Candidate

Commentary by Steve Lunetta

Right Here, Right Now

Monday September 10, 2007

Sunday mornings on KFI (640 on your AM dial), Jesus Christ takes over the airways for a couple hours and runs a talk show. Of course, the actor portraying Jesus is merely playing a role. While some might view this as sacrilegious, the premise is simple - what if Jesus was walking among us today and we could directly talk with Him about our problems? The host responds to life problems using scripture and suggestions that he believes are consistent with Christ's teaching.

This got me thinking. What if Jesus decided to run for President today? How would we respond to Him? How would the press receive Him? How would He be treated by the public for His views?

While no one really knows what He looked like, being the unemployed son of a carpenter means that he would have been dressed simply and not cut His hair often. The pundits would deride Him for His "lack of professional attire" and fashion sense. Armani and Versace would be calling on a daily basis, striving valiantly to dress Him appropriately in the latest Italian wool blend. No $400 haircuts for Jesus - Judas would have Him on a budget so Mary would be giving Him trim-jobs.

Jesus would be accused of being horribly narrow-minded and inflexible. His statements such as "no one comes to the Father but through Me" and "for the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and few are those that find it" would be decried as discriminatory and unfair. Why can't everyone find life in his or her unique and special way? Why is Jesus' way the only way? Whoopi Goldberg on The View would ask "who does He think He is- God?"

Jesus would be considered an enemy to the working man and an evil capitalist. The parable of the talents where Jesus condemns a lazy slave for merely returning His money while rewarding the slave who made the most shows Jesus to be unfair and inequitable in His dealings with employees. Why should one employee get more than the other? Weren't they both in His employ? Shouldn't the wages have been divided equally among all employees without regard to economic standing or personal favoritism (otherwise known as drive, ingenuity, or talent)? If He were in California, a complaint would be filed with the state labor board and Unions would rally against Him. The Mayor would yell "Jesus, we clean your toilets!"

He would be criticized for a lack of vision and forward thinking. His statement that we "not be anxious for tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care of itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" would be cited as evidence that He is not progressive. He is a "small thinker" who does not have a bigger plan for what America could and should be.

Environmentalists would hate Him. When Jesus related the parable of the seeds being choked by thorns, He showed Himself as one opposed to the natural flora and fauna of the landscape. The weeds and thorns were there first! How dare this Christ character try to alter the natural landscape by sowing different seeds! SCOPE would file a lawsuit and seek an injunction against additional seed scattering of "non-indigenous plant material."

Jesus would be considered reactionary and prone to outbursts of anger. The temple incident could not be forgotten or forgiven. Several independent financial planners were viciously assaulted for merely helping visitors to the temple. Rumors would abound that Jesus had been drinking or was "on something" since nothing else could explain His irrational behavior.

The company that He keeps would be clearly called into question. Guilt by association. Jesus hangs out with an "unsavory" crowd- hookers, IRS agents, city councilmen, and fishermen. Pictures of Him would be splashed all over the cover of The Enquirer and The Star with titles like "Jesus Cavorts with Convicts."

On the plus side, Jesus would love baseball. The freshly cut grass, the smell of oiled leather, the crack of the bat, and the large throngs of people would attract Jesus like a bee to honey. The struggle of the individual at the plate to overcome stacked odds to reach base and eventually score with forgiveness abounding for those who fail would appeal to Jesus. As President, He would throw out the first pitch with gusto and delight. And, clearly, Jesus hates and always will hate the Yankees.

And the Giants.

Especially the Giants.

Of course, with all of these negatives, Jesus would never be elected President. In fact, with this litany of personal character flaws, Jesus would not even be elected dog catcher.

Fortunately for you and me, Jesus has a better gig going right now. And He may even be moonlighting as a talk show host.